Obviously, I have not posted anything for many days. I have been busy addressing issues that develop when a couple or family relocates for the job. Specifically, I am focusing my job search on the local area. Prior to relocating, this area had received little of my attention.
While I am in the process of changing careers, I feel it is only prudent to continue keeping the doors open to other opportunities. We are fortunate my wife has found a great job and for right now, we can get by on the one income plus my very limited earnings. I am returning most of my earnings to developing the business.
However, if you are not planning on striking out on your own in a new business venture, and you have relocated due to your partners new job, then you are going to have to make some decisions about your career. Obviously, since you have relocated with your partner, you either determined that there would be opportunities for you in the new area. Or, your financial situation required taking the job and hoping to find work for yourself, once in the area.
Of course, you have another option. If you fell into the latter group above, you may not have many opportunities in the new area. I have encountered this situation. There are few job openings for my skills in the area, with tremendous competition from younger candidates. So, if I had to find employment to remain solvent, it would mean accepting a job outside my skill area, or broadening the search to more distant locations.
Since you have relocated with a partner, you are obviously in a relationship of some sort. Obvious questions are, will the relationship withstand the pressures of separation? Or, is the opportunity more important than the relationship?
During part of our marriage, my wife relocated to another area, for her job. I remained behind while continuing my job search and developing another career path. We found both positive and negative aspects from that experience.
Our relationship grew by forcing us to develop a stronger trust in the other. We seldom took for granted, our time together. The time we spent together, whether on the phone or when she came home on weekends, became more focused on sharing, and enjoying each other. But, we had also recognized that everybody needs some time for himself or herself, so we benefited by having our own space or personal time. So you can see, separation due to relocating for a job does have some positives.
On the negative side of the equation, the cost of traveling for weekends, strained our finances. There were many times during each day, when we could have each benefited from the others council, but distance prevented that immediate access. However, even in the best situation, if both partners work in the same area, there are times when access to each other is restricted. We learned to work around that by using email and discussing the issues during our evening phone conversations. Those phone calls were important.
I suppose the lack of physical closeness, was the most difficult part of that time. Just like Donkey, in the Shrek movie, there are times when we all need a hug. Our situation may have been more difficult because we were both still coping with a recent family tragedy. But through that adversity, I believe that our relationship did grow stronger, and each of us found and developed greater inner strength.
So, from personal experience, I know some relationships are strong enough to withstand extended periods of separation. If you have no doubt about the strength of your relationship, then broadening your search area is certainly an option. However, if you have doubts, what can you do?
The most obvious answer is take the first available job offer in your location, regardless of how it may or may not utilize your skills. This has advantages of keeping you and your partner together, and earning adequate money, while you continue searching for your target job. Remember though, working a job you do not like also strains a relationship, whether or not you immediately recognize it.
You should view this secondary job as survival employment only. Your primary job is searching for your target employment opportunity. This means, rather than spending each evening and weekend enjoying your relationship, doing fun things; you will spend considerable time job-hunting. However, this can be a shared experience, if your partner participates in the job search with you. Shared activities could include Internet searching, or helping customize cover letters and résumés for you, before sending them to prospective employers.
Whether you choose to stay together and work through some lean times or try working separately, your relationship will suffer some bumps. The way you handle those bumps will determine whether you made the right choice. That is the whole point here. It is your choice. Unless you both agree, the arrangement is beneficial; you must realize that, like the survival job, working separately is a short-term solution. Since either choice will probably place some strain on the relationship, eventually it all boils down to each or you making it work.
© Copyright 2005 by David Posival
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